Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Walking with God.

I am learning to walk with God.

For several months now I have felt a tug on my heart, a call, to walk more intimately with God. These past few weeks especially I've been more and more excited as I've felt my spirit awaken. Being on bedrest has allowed me the time to really seek out a relationship with God, one that I have been lacking the last few years.

I have gone through different seasons in my christian walk. I have felt extremely close to God, but also at times felt very far away. I have been saved now for almost 10 years, and I would say that for the better part of the last 7 years I have been in a struggle.

I have learnt to hunger after God. I've learnt the truth of God wanting to be pursued. I've gained some knowledge in the truths of God's rest and grace, but I've also felt deserted, lonely, frustrated and confused.

For a long time I expected that the close relationship with God that I had once enjoyed would suddenly come back to me after my season of rest/testing was over. I expected that God would just start talking to me again as he had in the beginning......I'm now in a place of anticipation and expectancy where I am no longer sitting, waiting for God, but rather on the chase!

I am chasing after my relationship. I am learning to once again walk with God. That it will take me walking, instead of waiting........

A few days ago Chris came home with several books and Cds from Christian Publications. One of them was "Walking with God" by John Eldredge. He handed it to me saying "Here, you can read this one first." I began reading it yesterday.

Wow!! All I can say is that I am ready for this book. It seems to be speaking right to my heart. It's funny, because most of what I've read so far have been things I've heard before. Nothing completely new, but it seems to be cutting me right at the core of my heart.
It is challenging my idea of who I really think God is, and whether or not I believe his desire to have a relationship with me. Sara. Does the God of the universe miss having a close relationship with me, just as much as I miss having one with him?

"Walking with God" is not the sort of book you can just read from cover to cover. It takes time to digest all that is written. It also takes time to practice speaking and hearing from God. At many points throughout the book John challenges his readers to stop and practice.

Today, I tried out one of his suggestions. He says that God speaks through the bible (okay, this I knew) but then went on to say "Ask God what he would have you read". Hmmm. Interesting. Simple right?! Maybe it would be a good idea to ask the author of the bible to instruct me on what I needed for that moment. Hmmmm......
So, I thought why not give it a try? I got out my bible and began to pray. I tried to quiet all my thoughts and focus only on hearing from Him........I immediately got the thought of Hebrews 3. Weird. Was that me? Was that God? I quickly flipped to it and this is what I read:

"Today you must listen to his voice.
Don't harden your hearts against him
as Israel did when they rebelled,
when they tested God's patience in the wilderness"......(Heb3: 7-8)
"You must warn each other everyday, as long as it s called "today", so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. But never forget the warning:
"Today you must listen to his voice.
Don't harden your hearts against him
as Israel did when they rebelled" (Heb3: 13-15)

Wow! I really can't put into words how I feel right now. Encouraged to know that I can hear God's voice. Aware of the fact that my heart has indeed been hardened the past few years. Challenged to follow what this scripture says: "Today" I must listen to his voice. Daily I must come to listen to his voice. I want to trust in God as firmly as when I first believed. I know that this will take both time and effort, but I am ready. I want to walk with God in the way I did when I was first saved. I am excited for the journey I am about to embark on. I am excited to begin my walk with God once again......

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