Making room- Part Two

I am now more than halfway through my "7" fast.
I have done food, clothing, possessions and today I am finishing up media.

(If you haven't read my first post on "7" you can read it by clicking here)

I can honestly say that God is wrecking me. It's hard to put into words but I want to document what He is doing in my heart, so I'm going to try and write out what's been going on. Here goes....

CLOTHING

Let's start with the clothing. For two weeks I gave myself 7 articles of clothing to choose from.
2 pairs of jeans.
3 t-shirts.
2 sweaters.
(undergarments and winter wear weren't included, in case you were thinking "what the what"!? Ha!)

As I predicted this particular fast wasn't that difficult for me. In fact I was a little disappointed that it wasn't harder- especially coming off the food fast where I needed to rely daily (sometimes hourly) on God. It's just not an area I struggle in (but trust me- we'll get to the area I MAJORLY struggle with soon...ahem.media.ahem)

I decided to start the fast without letting Chris know what I was doing... it took him almost a week and a half to notice that I was wearing the same few shirts every day. Hmmm. This either speaks to how much I value clothing and looking presentable to the world, or how much he really looks at me. Ha!

What I did discover is that even for someone who doesn't struggle with clothing I STILL had a closet full of clothes I don't necessarily need. I managed to pick out 3 large garbage bags packed full to give away.

POSSESSIONS

This was the fast I was most excited about when I read the book. See, I love to purge. I mean I reeeeeeaally LOVE to purge. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than seeing a messy disorganized space and imagining what I can do to clean it up!

I am really not attached to "things" and can happily move them along to another home.
Plus, Chris and I have been really trying to break the spirit of entitlement in our home. Why do we feel like we are so entitled to have all that we have. And our kids? Well, we want better for them. We want them to feel joy and thankfulness in what they do have, rather than be overwhelmed with SO.MUCH.STUFF!

So we did an experiment. We had the kids bring every single toy they own up to our family room and we dumped them in one large heap. Then I instructed the kids to sit quietly for 5 minutes and look at all their stuff. We sat. We looked. We grieved.

Finally Abby spoke up "This is too much for one family, Mommy"
Yes, my sweet love. It is. Too much for one family indeed.

So we organized it all and then we allowed the kids to pick a few items to keep and we got rid of the rest.
Since doing this, I have noticed their imaginations come to life. I hear them making up elaborate games. Even our two year old now crawls around the house pretending to be her big sisters pet doggie.
Gone are the days of "Mom I'm boooooored" followed by "How can you be bored? You have so many things to play with!"
Gone are the days of taking out every single toy and not knowing what to play with.
Gone are the days of confused children standing among the disaster of a mess of toys overwhelmed with where to even start cleaning up.

Who knew that having less would serve them even more!!

This week wasn't just about the kids. I went through the kitchen, the bathrooms, the basement... and said goodbye to many an item.
What did I learn? Even though these two weeks were fun for me, they also grieved my heart. How did we ever allow so much stuff? How did I not notice it before? I honestly purge my home at least a couple of times a year and yet, we still had so many things that we could give away. Sigh. My way of thinking has changed. I pray that as we move forward He will continue to quicken my heart when it comes to what we allow into our home.

Which brings me to the area in which I most struggle...

MEDIA

Media. Sigh.
My heart is so grieved after these two weeks. I find it hard to even put into words. How do I explain my heart when it is still so very raw....

I have always struggled with balance. Finding time for God, time for myself, time to be a good wife, time for my children, time for my business, time for friends...ect. And for a long time I have felt so out of balance. This fast has really been a big piece of finding an answer to that puzzle.

I have always been aware that I spent way too many hours online. It was an easy escape. A way to somehow feel connected. Inspired. Encouraged. And yet I also discovered after these two weeks that it was a way in which I compared myself. Where I found worth. Where I found a false sense of identity.

For these past two weeks I have stepped away from Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Blogs. I texted only when necessary. I shut down my computer- only checking email once a day (a necessary thing when running a business and corresponding with the kids school.) Basically I unplugged.

And man oh man. My heart is torn in a million peices. How on earth did I allow myself to go so far down the rabbit hole? It wasn't until I complete removed these things from my everyday that I realized how much worth I truly do find in them. And really, how much worth is stolen from me at the same time.

Specifically when it comes to my business. This is when I most often feel like I am not enough. Isn't that just like the enemy? To whisper these cheap lies into our hearts?  It's almost like I've become addicted to feeling bad about myself. For me, it's the enemy's playground- stomping all over my insecurities, making me feel like I completely and wholly suck as an artist, as a person.

It's like I'm an alcoholic. I have become addicted to beating myself up and comparing myself to everyone else. So, like any addict, I need to remove myself from the temptation. It grieves me because I want to be happy for my friends and fellow photographers. I want to be inspired and encouraged by their talent, and yet it's an area in which I can't control (at this point anyways). When I see someone else's work I am jealous and ugly. I start to tell myself how much I suck. How far I have to go. How I'll never measure up.

It took stepping away from this for two weeks to discover that I was doing it on a daily bases. How refreshing these past two weeks have been- to not feel like I am not enough. It's been like a breath of fresh air.

So... where do I go from here?

To be honest, I don't really know. It's going to be a work in progress. I have to continue to remove myself from the temptation of comparing. I am not strong enough yet to jump right back into where I was two weeks ago. So, I am going to continue to limit my exposure. I am going to dive more into his word. I am going to focus in on my own art rather than looking at everyone else. And maybe, eventually, I can open up my heart and not feel like I am not enough.

I read this last week and it really does sum up what I'm learning...

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God has done for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of maturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

May it be so.

xo

Slow to speak

I saw a post today on a friends facebook page.
She was upset about something someone else did and shared her thoughts on her page. Soon after there were many comments backing her up. Cheering alongside her. Like an angry mob, they joined in her cause.

But here's the thing. I didn't agree with her.

I even started to write out a comment, simply pointing out that there was a different side to the coin.... but then I took a second, thought about it, and deleted it. What did I hope to accomplish? Would I start an ugly debate, and fuel the already angry flames?

And then I got to thinking. Really. Why do we have to be so mean to each other? Why do we come down on other parents when we don't always know the whole picture? When we don't fully understand. Sometimes I think we are so wrapped up in our own emotions that we don't stop to think about how what we say can affect others. How it can hurt them.

The more I think about this, the more I can see past this particular incident and right into my very own heart, where I am mean. And judgmental. And critical. And harsh. Not always out in the open, but in my heart of hearts I can be ugly.

And yet, I feel a shifting. An awareness. A light bulb turning on. He's revealing the ugly in me. Not to feel bad about it, or like there is no hope for me, but rather to set me free from the bondage of fear. And insecurity. And unforgivness. And judgment. And anger. Because that's exactly what it is. A bondage. No one can be happy and angry at the same time. Full of joy and full of judgment at the same time. And which would we rather be.....?

This is my prayer today. For me. For you..... May we all be quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to become angry. (James 1:19)

Grace.
He's there to cover all.

xoxo

Making room

For a long time I have felt unsettled in my heart.
It's been too hard to explain it and so I haven't really tried to write about it here. I haven't even really tried to talk about it with many people. And when I do, it seems to come out all wrong.

This morning I read this in my devotions and it just so perfectly explains the inner battle I have been having.

The priorities I have in my life are not lining up with how I spend my time.

I did an exercise a few months back where I wrote out what I thought my priorities were and then in the next column I wrote out what a typical day looked like and how I spent my time. The two lists did not match up. I was wasting away my days. Not pouring into what my priorities were "suppose" to be, but rather into meaningless, wasteful things.

And so I have been on a journey to figure this all out.
Last month after a sweet friend recommended it, I started reading the book 7 by Jen Hatmaker.

The concept of 7 is to fast 7 areas of excess in our lives (one fast per month) in order to make more room for God.

More room.

Maybe my heart has been out of balance because is is so jam packed with excess.
It's been so cluttered with "stuff".

I read the book from cover to cover in 2 days. And got excited.
Here I have some practical ways to walk out this unsettled feeling I have in my heart.

I decided to do each fast for 2 weeks. 14 days of giving up a specific area in my life that I can then allow more room for his spirit.

Food.
Clothing.
Possessions.
Media.
Waste.
Spending.
Stress.

Seven areas in my life that I can take a closer look at and re-arrange priorities in.

First up was Food. I just finished this 2 week fast on Sunday.

I've always had the intention of feeding my family well. I have always wanted to serve healthy, wholesome meals. But the reality has been that more often than not our diet consisted of processed junk. Lack of planning. Convenience. And really just laziness all contributed to our multiple times per week drive-thru meals and phone calls to order pizza. Sigh.

For the two weeks I choose 7 food "groups" that I would be allowed to have:
Fruit
Vegetables
Meat
Dairy
Nuts
Weird flours to bake with (almond, quinoa, flaxseed)
Tea

A few things you need to know. I love pop. Especially fountain pop. Preferably from a drive thru.
I also love chocolate. As in I need to have it in some form or another every single day.
Candy and chips and pretzels and ice cream were our treats of choice for after the kids were in bed.

For two weeks I had to say goodbye to the McDonald's line up, the daily chocolate bars I once enjoyed. I bid farewell to candy, chips, ice cream and all things sugary and processed.

It's weird. I thought that these two weeks were going to be torture. That I wouldn't be able to live through them, but in fact they have been wonderful.

Some nights (due to planning) turned out awesome. And some nights we didn't eat until after 7pm, but all in all I am proud to say we didn't drive through one line up to pick up food. All of our meals were home cooked, without sugar (and the first week without wheat- but that's a whole other story!) healthy and delicious!

Through these past two weeks God has shown me a lot.  I believe it's because I have allowed him room. In my everyday. So many opportunities these past couple of weeks to speak with him. Focus my attention to Him. Pray for family & friends, and actually see some of those prayers answered. It's been so good that to have these opportunities where I would normally indulge and instead take a step back and spend time in prayer rather than stuffing my face. HaHa. God is fun.

What have I learned?

* I can cook healthy, yummy, pretty meals that my family actually enjoy.

* I have more energy when I eat healthy- go figure!

* Saying no to sugar was not as hard as I thought.

* Habits can be broken.

* Making our own granola bars and fruit roll ups is fun :)

* The kids love eating healthy.

* I emotionally eat. I happy eat, sad eat, mad eat, stress eat.... basically any form of emotion is covered in food. Rather than eating for health, I fuel for emotions. This is a work in progress.

* And the biggest thing I have learned??......I feel entitled- even in the food I eat. Like somehow I "deserve" to eat what I want when I want to because I give "so much" to my family, and I deserve some small reward. Right?! Yikes!

I have allow entitlement in through food and it just grows from there to other areas of my heart. What a crazy concept. I didn't even realize that I was doing this. Thankful that He opens our eyes to areas in our hearts that He wants to touch.

It's surprising, after these two weeks I'm not even really craving all the terrible stuff I used to put in my body. For me this fast has been about taking a step back and seeing what food has done to my body. That we really are temples of the Holy Spirit and that the way we eat can in fact be a form of worship. Craziness.

I am not going to swear off all the yummy sugary treats forever, but my way of thinking has changed. These treats will be just that- treats. Something to enjoy every once and awhile, not everyday. I am excited to continue to serve my family healthy home cooked meals and enjoy the fact that every once and awhile we will splurge on a meal out. Moderation. It's a good thing.

Thankful to be on this journey of allowing Him room....

xoxo

Online Beginner Photography Class

After many inquiries, I have been working hard at making the beginner photography class I teach available to everyone- including those who live far, far away! I am so excited to share that it is now available to attend online! And from now until tonight at 8pm you'll save $25 off the registration fee!

This online class is for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles {really anyone & everyone} who has a nice camera and wants to learn how to use it to it’s full potential. We will cover the technical side of photography- how to use all those fancy dials, but also it’s a  class that will push your creativity and help you to begin to see the world differently. It will challenge you to think about what your pictures say and help you to move from taking snapshots to really capturing memories!

DETAILS:
Each week we will cover a different topic. Students will receive a password to view an online video each week and will have access to these videos for the duration of the course + 2 weeks after the course has ended. You will also receive a PDF download to have to be able to reference back all that you have learned. After each video is released students may email me any questions they may have on the topic for that week. Often learning comes from the questions someone else may have and I want us all to be encouraged and learn together, so relevant FAQs will be made into a PDF download as well.

Week One: Exposure (aperture, shutter speed, ISO and how to use them all together)

Week Two: Your equipment- camera dials, lens choices- how to decide what you need & when, with a review on exposure.

Week Three: Light & Composition

Week Four: Thinking Creatively (how to take better images, ideas on different projects to train your eye to see differently, practical ways to get authentic expressions from your kids- I have four kids myself and have a few tricks up my sleeve!)

The first online class will be in May. The videos will be released each Wednesday- May 1st, 8th, 15th, 22nd. Videos will remain up for viewing until June 12th, 2013.

COST:
Regular price:
Single seat- $150 (+gst)
Booking with a friend (each)- $125 (+gst)

**24 hour sale from 8pm on Tuesday March 5th, 2013- 8pm on Wednesday March 6th, 2013.

Single seat- $125 (+gst)
Booking with a friend (each)- $100 (+gst)

Please click here to book your seat!

#28lovefilleddays

Are you on Instagram?

If you are I'd love for you to join me in a little project for the month of February. Everyday this month I am going to take a picture of something I love. I want to be intentional and really take the time to slow down and "notice" the many lovely things in my life :) 

I'm using the hashtag #28lovefilleddays.
 
If you want to join in please feel free! Just take a picture of something you love and use the hashtag in your comment. I'd love to see all the things you love this month too! 

Here's my baby. I love that she loves books as much as her mama does :)

Noise

I need to quiet the noise.
I'm not talking about the physical noise in my home (though it does rise to epic levels with 4 little ones running around.)
No, I'm talking about the constant noisy buzz that comes with our culture.

Some people can find a balance between (social) media and "real life".
I can't.
For me, they are intermingled.
I find worth in the comments and likes.
I find acceptance.
And value.
(sigh)

Some days I get lost in catching up on everyone else's everyday that I tend to neglect my own.
And let's be honest... sometimes I can't stop myself from checking in with these sites all day long.

There are so many positives to staying plugged in.
I love the realness.
And the encouragement.
I love the relationships built.
And hope that can be shared.

But mixed in with all of that is SO.MUCH.NOISE.

Yesterday I deleted facebook off my phone.
I hit unsubscribe to many companies through email.

And I made a big decision regarding my business. 

There is a shift going on.

A soft whisper on my heart, calling me to simplify.
Redirect.
Refocus.
Slow down.

It's time to start over.
With a new beginning.

Have you ever felt like that?
That life seems to have just taken over and you are powerless to stop the "treadmill" you are on?

Friends, I'm hopping off.

My hope is to be present.
For my family.
And for the One who's whispers I can now hear after silencing some of the noise...

xoxo

Summer Fun Idea

Want to entertain your kids for HOURS? 

Fill up a kiddie pool with water and add bubble bath. 

Simple. Easy. Fun. 

Seriously. My girls played in here ALL DAY LONG! 

Happy Summer! xoxo