Tuesday, April 13, 2010

One day...

Last night as Chris and I were falling asleep I mentioned that today would be 18 years since I lost my mom.
18 years. I had to let it sink in.
18 years since I last saw her smile.
Felt her hug.
Heard her laugh.

And although I have a beautiful Hope I am still sad.

18 years seems like a lifetime.
Sometimes the ache in my heart is so unbearable.
Sometimes I can't stop the unexpected tears from coming.

18 years is too long.
I miss her.
What would it be like to have her here with me?
There are so many things I would ask her.
So many things I would do with her.
If I could have just one day....

A day to snuggle up next to her and tell her I love her.
Tell her I miss her more than words can say.
To hear her tell me the same.
To feel her hand stroking my hair like she use to.
To have her tell me that I'm doing ok as a mom.
That she is proud of me.
To go shopping together and stop to grab a bite to eat.
To have her play lego with my son and tea party with the girls.
To listen to her jokes.
To watch her hold my dad's hand and see them together again.
To just see her. Hear her. Smell her. Touch her.
One day....
As for today....
I am going to hug my kids a little tighter.
Snuggle up next to them and tell them I love them.
That I am proud of them.
I will play lego with my son and tea party with my girls.
I am going to hold Chris' hand and just be.
I am going to be thankful.
Be thankful that I have them.
Be thankful that I have a peace and a hope in Jesus.
He gets me through, especially on days like today.
I will be thankful that one day I will get to see my mom again.
One day.
When I finally make it home.


  1. Thinking of you today, Sara. 18 years is a long time, and although my heart does not understand where you are in this process and I can only begin to imagine the challenges you've faced over the years, the hope that you have that you will one day see her again is so true. I'll be excited to one day meet her too.

  2. "and the sweetest sound these ears have yet to hear are the voices of the angels. when i finally make it home."

    your mom is beautiful. what is her name?

    i want all of this for you too, for you to smell her, touch her, see her... hold her, even for a moment.

    may God bless you sara, draw you nearer to him this day, and to the wonderful mystery of being home, in His "love better than life" beside your mother in glory.

    much love friend.

  3. oh Sara...I'm thinking of you today. I know it's nowhere near the same as having her here, but you honor your Mom's memory in such a beautiful way by being the wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend that you are. Your lovely spirit is a living testament to the woman your Mom must have been and it is so evident in the way you live your life. It has been an honor getting to know you, friend. May peace that surpasses all understanding be yours today.

  4. Sara, I am so sorry that you lost your mom when you were so young. I know it must be very sad for you that you missed out on having her see you grow up and know your children and your husband. My heart grieves for you today. I think you are such a beautiful person, just from what I have read on your blog. I think your mom would be incredibly proud of the woman that you are and your love for the Lord.
    I also wanted to thank you for recently leaving comment on my blog about my post remembering my mom who I lost two years ago. Praying for you today, Sara...


  5. Many thoughts & prayers for you today & for the days to come Sara! I know your mamma is proud of you! I am one of those who believe that the Lord let's our loved ones look down upon us, and I bet she's just beaming with love at you & how you honor her & your father! Bless you!


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