Truth in Love

The other day my husband surprised me.

With a "just because I love you" gift.
Eeeeeeee!
Those are my absolute favorite kind of gifts. I felt special. And loved.
And I am still smiling as I type this.
Love you honey!!!

Then, a few days later this same sweet husband casually mentioned:

"You should start writing again"

"But I don't have anything good to say. I have writers block" I whined.

"Maybe you should open your bible" was his answer.

Ouch. Like really ouch.
Man, it bugs me when he's right.

God uses my husband. To speak love over me and make me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. He also uses him to softly discipline me. To reveal the ugliness in my heart or to bring light to my shortcomings. Both are a gift to me.

Chris sees the real me and isn't afraid to call me on it.
He didn't say "maybe you should open your bible" in a mean or spiteful way, but rather matter of fact. A simple sentence that cut deep. Because it was true.

If you are married, your spouse probably knows you more intimately than anyone else.
When Chris and I argue he sometimes says things to me that I wish he wouldn't but I think the part that hurts the most is the fact that most times there is an element of truth to what he is saying and the truth hurts.
It's usually not that I disagree with what is being said about me, it's just that I don't like it.
We don't like the ugly in us. The selfishness. The pride. And we try to pretend that they are wrong and that we are perfect..... but the truth is we're just not.

I had a long and hard conversation with a dear friend of mine the other morning and afterwards I realized just how much we are clouded by hurt. Just how much we react out of that hurt. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it would all be ok. I wanted to take away all the hurt she was feeling, and help her to see above that cloudiness, but I'm not sure that I did. Hurt is tricky that way. We can start to let it go, but then the smallest trigger can send us back into a tailspin.

When I'm hurt I want to come to Jesus. I want to come humbly. In realness. Not as a victim, but as a daughter who knows she's messed up.

Because, I'm learning that in every situation I am given an opportunity. An opportunity to allow God to prune out a little more ugly from my heart. I can choose to stay prideful and hurt or I can pray and be open to what God wants to show me about myself.
I can leave the part that was hurtful and simply not true and take away the real element of truth.

It's so much easier to see the ugly in others. How we were wronged. How we've been hurt.
It's a lot harder to allow God into the parts of our heart that he wants to change.

Harder but necessary.

Because, for me, these are the parts that most often I am not even aware of until I spend time weeping at his feet over whatever incident just occurred. And, friends, I find that it is in those times that I am broken and hurt over whatever offense it may be that my Father will gently show me where I need to change. Where I need to soften. Where I need to grace. Where I need to let go. Where I need to confess.

What a shock the first time that happened. When I was complaining about someone else and he showed me my own ugly. Ouch. Like, really OUCH.

But that is the beauty that is our Father. He loves us enough to change us.
And I'm slowly getting better at letting Him.

What about you? Will you let Him?