Choosing Grace

I am that mom.
That mom I swore I'd never be.
And the more I try to fight it, the more I seem to drown in it.

I can be easily frustrated
impatient
lazy
and sometimes I yell.
Sometimes I YELLLLLLLLLLLLLL at my kids.

Ugh.

I tend to start the day out great.
My girls usually get the best of me.
I can get through (most of) the day with a smile on my face and a skip in my step.
I can calmly live through the toddler tantrums.
I can hold my cool through my preschoolers screams when she doesn't get her way.
I whistle as I do the dishes.
And hum while I do the laundry (well not really, but you get the idea.)

Most days I am the mom I want to be..... most days until about 4pm.

From 4 until the time Daddy gets home I find myself changing from a patient, tolerant, loving mommy into a crazy mean monster of a mom.

All my patience seems to run out by then and the laziness creeps in. I don't want to break up any more sibling fights. I don't want to hear the whining. I don't want to hear the attitude. I just don't want to be needed anymore.

And just as my girls seem to get the best of me, my son seems to get the worst.
He gets the yelling.
He gets the impatient answers.
The shooing away.
The "go figure it out yourself" version of me.

Because by that point in the day (I tell myself) I have nothing left. I have already broken up enough fights. I have already heard enough whining. And all I want to do is make dinner in peace.

So when his little attitude creeps in I FREAK OUT.
When he complains about having to do his chores I YELL.
When he whines about having to practice the piano I THREATEN.

And it's not fair.
It's not fair that he doesn't get the same grace my girls get throughout the day.

Recently, my sweet friend Beth posted a link to a fabulous article:
How to Bring Peace to the Witching Hour.

And I was convicted.
I was convicted of giving into my laziness.
Of letting my anger take over.
I was reminded of how I try to do it all myself and in doing so fail miserably.

I need to choose Grace. The person Grace.
The one who patiently changes my attitude.
The one who never tires of hearing my whining.
Who never yells at me when I sit there complaining about this thing or that.
The One who doesn't resort to threatening me to get me to do something He wants me to do.

I need to come to Grace and fill up on Him so that He can freely flow through me.
I need to make a conscious effort to recognize that these hours at the end of the day are going to be hard.
And knowing that, I can plan ahead to make them go a little easier.

See, I believe that Grace led me to that article.
He knew how to speak right to the core of my problem.
He knew how to open up my eyes to my need for Him.
But He also knew I needed practical ideas to help me change.
And I needed them now.
Today.

So, I am going to implement routine into our witching hours.
I will have dinner planned ahead of time.
And I am going to make a conscious effort to whisper at my kids when all I really want to do is yell.
I will try harder to model for my kids how I can control myself, so that they will learn how to do it too.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have any other tips or techniques on how to control the yelling?

Thank you Father.
Please continue to show me who you are and how I can be more like you.
Forgive my selfishness.
All I think about at that point in my day is me.
Me. Me. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Help me to think of You.
Of what you have called me to do as a mama to these precious little ones.
Thank you for trusting me with them,
and for forgiving me when I mess up.
Thank you for showing me how I can change.
I want to.

Love,
a mama who is learning to choose Grace.