Wednesday, April 13, 2011

19 Years

{Re-post from April 13th 2010}

Last night as Chris and I were falling asleep I mentioned that today would be 1819 years since I lost my mom.
1819 years. I had to let it sink in.
1819 years since I last saw her smile.
Felt her hug.
Heard her laugh.

And although I have a beautiful Hope I am still sad.

1819 years seems like a lifetime.
Sometimes the ache in my heart is so unbearable.
Sometimes I can't stop the unexpected tears from coming.

1819 years is too long.
I miss her.
What would it be like to have her here with me?
There are so many things I would ask her.
So many things I would do with her.
If I could have just one day....

A day to snuggle up next to her and tell her I love her.
Tell her I miss her more than words can say.
To hear her tell me the same.
To feel her hand stroking my hair like she use to.
To have her tell me that I'm doing ok as a mom.
That she is proud of me.
To go shopping together and stop to grab a bite to eat.
To have her play lego with my son and tea party with the girls.
To listen to her jokes.
To watch her hold my dad's hand and see them together again.
To just see her. Hear her. Smell her. Touch her.
One day....
As for today....
I am going to hug my kids a little tighter.
Snuggle up next to them and tell them I love them.
That I am proud of them.
I will play lego with my son and tea party with my girls.
I am going to hold Chris' hand and just be.
I am going to be thankful.
Be thankful that I have them.
Be thankful that I have a peace and a hope in Jesus.
He gets me through, especially on days like today.
I will be thankful that one day I will get to see my mom again.
One day.
When I finally make it home.


10 comments:

  1. she is beautiful. you look like her.

    when i finally make it home i will tell her how you have blessed my life and glorified our good God.

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  2. Praying for you today, friend.

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  3. the tears are falling for you Sara. My sweet friend, I can only imagine how proud your mom is of you. Bursting with pride and love for you, walking with Jesus. And that will be one amazing homecoming when you get home. Praise God that there is beauty for ashes. And you are one blessed mama, full of favor and a bright future. Love you! And praying...

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  4. Very touched by your words Sara. Praying for you today!

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  5. Beautiful post that brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you, friend.

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  6. What a beautiful tribute to your mom. Any mother would be proud to be spoken of with so much love.

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  7. You are so strong and graceful Sara. I am sure your Mom watches you everyday and knows all the love and faith in your heart. She would definitely be proud of you and your gorgeous babies.

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  8. My heart understands. I hate the pain of death but love the promise of eternity.

    Some day, friend. Some day.

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  9. oh friend, just saw your post this morning. You are honestly one of the most gracious wonderful mothers I know...and I'm sure so much of that comes from your own Mom. You are a living tribute to her. Love & hugs to you.

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  10. I love you my sister, XOOX

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