Sunday, November 2, 2014

Out of control

"How's homeschooling?"

It's the question I am asked most often these days.
And to be totally honest it's a hard one to answer.
I usually say something like:

"Oh, you know, some days are good and some are hard."

And it's true.... but I wish I could explain it better. I just have a really hard time putting into words what these last two months have been like. Homeschooling has definitely changed our family. In so many ways.

I think what I love best is that we are experiencing life together. We have had some pretty rocking moments together that I know are God's little gifts to me. Little joys that would not have been mine if we weren't spending our days together in this way.

*The mid afternoon talks while strolling in Fish Creek.
*The many, many baking adventures.
*The quiet giggles as we listen to Ellie's elaborate morning prayers (man, God must have so much fun listening to his children!)
*The way his face lights up when he figures out that hard thing called Math.
*Listening to her reading... and getting it.
*Hearing them making up those imaginary games.
*Taking joy in learning all about God's creation together.
*Watching her breeze through her schoolwork and then desiring more.

So many wonderful moments.

The hardest thing though has been figuring out how to make it work for each of the kids in different ways. They each have their strengths and weaknesses and we are still figuring out new ways to both support and challenge them. It has been a lot of trial and error. A lot.  ;)

But even on those hard days I get to spend them with these lucky am I?!

Recently another homeschooling mom told me that the first year of homeschooling is like having your first baby. And I am here to say that that is probably the most accurate comparison.

When I think back to when I first had Evan I remember a messy mix of hard moments and moments where I wondered how on earth I could be so blessed.

My heart was so filled to the brim with unspeakable joy.
I just couldn't grasp the fact that this perfect little guy was mine to love!
I spent hours cuddling, swaying, singing.
I spent hours praying, laughing, loving.

I was also....

exhausted beyond words.
and worried that I was doing everything wrong.
and scattered.... where oh where did I put those car keys?
and stressed that maybe, just maybe I wasn't cut out for this....
and faced (daily!) with the fact that I didn't know what the heck I was doing.

All of this describes that crazy first year of being a Mama......and it also perfectly describes our last 8 weeks.

But God.

He has been gently teaching me that this is a good place to be.... out of control. Because it leaves room for Him. When I have my act together it's easy to go through the day without Him. But Lord have Mercy.... have I needed HIM! Daily. Hourly.

I need him.

And I want my kids to learn the same. That they need Him. That through it all, whether good or wonderful or hard or scary being out of control is the best place to be.... as long as we remember that He is always in control!

As we roll into our third month of homeschooling I feel like we are starting to find our way. 
We are making mistakes but we are picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off.

And just like with parenting, I am holding onto the hope (the promise! the knowledge!).... that this indeed will get easier.


1 comment:

  1. Yay!!! You very accurately verbalized, Sara, what I felt and went through many years ago. Blessings to you all on this wonderful adventure!


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