:: cursed under my breath as my 11 year old stomped off to his room
:: cried in the bathroom, feeling like a complete failure
:: took the kids to an afternoon matinee, just because
:: snuggled in bed with my girl as she read to me
:: lost in a game of chess to my boy
:: haven't done a single load of laundry
:: started reading the Word one on one with my boy
:: have done 12 braids in little girl hair
:: put a movie on in the van for the kids to watch just so that I could have a little peace....and then drove through the McDonalds line, ordering a fountain pop and cookies all around
:: called for Chinese food, because I wanted to watch an episode of "Strong Medicine" on Netflix instead of making dinner
:: conspired with the kids to surprise daddy with a romantic candlelight dinner, promising to pay them each a dollar if they stayed downstairs the entire time we ate our dinner
:: played "I love you more than...." with my 4 year old
:: pressed the snooze button every morning choosing sleep over working out
From as far back as I can remember I have always wanted everyone to like me. I needed them to. I desperately craved acceptance. It didn't matter if I was being real or not, all that mattered was that they liked me. Enter people pleasing Sara.
Years and years of pretending.
But something is shifting in me. I am too tired to act anymore. I just don't have it in me. I need to be real. And the reality is- I am a mess. A messy mess. And I can't pretend that I'm not.
This week (and every week, for that matter) was a mix of joy and failure. Tears and high fives. We don't like to talk about the hard. The ugly. But what I'm realizing is that I am craving authenticity, and it has to start with me.
So.....who's with me?
What was your week like?