Saturday, February 16, 2008

Lessons learned

These days I find I have a lot of time to think. Time to question God and reflect on life in general. I find myself asking God mostly this one question:

What are you trying to teach me?

I've come up with a couple different ideas....

The first one is that I think God is teaching me about trust. I need to learn how to trust God. Not just in my head, but truly in my heart. Trust is really quite a simple concept, however I am always over complicating things by adding in my fears and worries...which, I guess, in reality is the complete opposite of trust.
With all the scary unknowns in this pregnancy and all the precautions the doctor has me taking I find that I am learning about the peace of God that comes along with trusting in him. Daily (sometimes hourly) I am giving my fears to God. I am learning to believe his promises and to really grab ahold of the fact that he cares more about me and this baby than I ever could. I know that my God can be trusted.......I just have to settle this in my heart of hearts.

The second thing that I am learning is how to receive. I have always been a giver. I don't say this with pride or arrogance, I just have always found it easy to see the need in someones life and do what I can to help them out. It really comes naturally and I quite enjoy "doing" things for others.

As I'm writing this another thought comes to mind.....dare I say that I am a natural "Martha"? Whenever I hear that story I am drawn to the fact that Mary is so sensitive and I want to believe that if I was put into that same situation, I would behave as Mary did, however if I am truly honest with myself I fear I might be a Martha. Busy doing, missing out on the real treasure.......
(anyways that was a bit of a side note......we'll have to touch more on that another day!)

I will admit however that I have a VERY hard time receiving. Being on bedrest a couple weeks ago, and now on "restricted activities" has forced me to learn to receive. Our family and friends have all been so amazing. From making us dinner, to helping with the kids, to packing and unpacking our home, they have all been an amazing support.

God is really speaking to me about his heart through all this. How he wants to pour out so much blessing and support over me, and yet until now I have not been able to allow him to do this. I have been too busy "doing it all" myself.

Being in a situation that forces me to "need" people has taught me about not only my weaknesses, but also about God's strength. I am recognizing that God has placed people in my life to help me and that I must learn to humble myself and receive that help. Funny how what I love to do for others is also that one thing that I find so hard to receive myself. I am a slow learner, but I am starting to catch on.....

I hope that as I walk through this season I'll continue to learn and be sensitive to all that God has in store for me.

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