The "Incident"

This morning we tried out a new church for the first time since going to our little white church.

It was strange and uncomfortable.

I like routine.
I like familiarity.

And finding a new church lacks both routine and familiarity.
Finding a new church is stretching.

But more than that I found it to be extremely emotional. See, I knew it would be difficult and that it would take time, but today I found myself reliving the loss of my little white church.

By going somewhere different I was reminded of 'everything our church was' all over again. I suppose I have tried not to think about it all summer and now that we are faced with it head on I am overwhelmed with frustration and questions for God.

And I suppose the "incident" this morning at church certainly didn't help matters.

Ah yes, the "incident".

This new church has a wonderful nursery that our girls were able to go into and play while we were in the service. The nice lady working in the nursery gave me a number and told me that there was a screen in the sanctuary and that if there was a problem our number would appear on that screen.

I thanked her and went into the sanctuary to join the boys. As the service began, I glanced up at the screen. Nope 302 is not on there.
So far, so good.
I kept glancing up at that screen, just waiting for our number to appear. Well, we made it about halfway through the preaching when all of a sudden 302 flashes up for all to see.
Eeek. That us.

I stood up and walked to the back of the room, out the doors, down the hall and into the nursery where I found our big girl bawling her eyes out.

"She just had a little accident" the sweet lady said.

Accident? Huh?

And as I pick her up I realize in a flash what had happened. Our 2 year old is not wearing a diaper. No. She is wearing her brother's underwear. Yes, our sweet girl must have taken off her diaper and put on the underwear before we left for church.

Red faced I apologized and explained all this to the lady.
"I'm so sorry. She's not actually potty trained. I had no idea she wasn't in a diaper. See, she likes to wear "big girl underwear" and so she must have put on her brothers before we left this morning. I'm so sorry"

I took her to the washroom, got her cleaned up and changed her into a new diaper. Then I realized I had a problem. I didn't have an extra set of clothes. Right then and there I decided what I think anyone in that situation would decide....

FLEE!
I must flee the scene. I need to get us outta here!

I went back to the nursery to collect our baby girl, who by this time is bawling her little eyes out too. Apparently she saw me leave with big sister to the bathroom and had been screaming ever since.
AHHHHHHH. Ok, so after my embarrassed explanation to yet another nursery worker, I grabbed the girls. Went back into the sanctuary whispered a quick "we're leaving NOW" to my hubby and escaped out to the van.

Ya. So, the "incident" may have affected my attitude towards the new church....

Because, if that had happened at our little white church I would have laughed. I would have borrowed a change of clothes from someone. Or I would have left my family and quickly driven home to get a new pair of pants for our girl.

But in a new place I was just embarrassed. I felt awkward. I felt foolish. I felt like running away and never returning.

Now, I know that this is not because of this particular church or the sweet ladies working in the nursery. No, it is my issue. They were very gracious and understanding.

But, the incident just reminded me even more of the fact that I was not in my home. Do you ever feel like that? That if something happens to you at home in front of your family it isn't that bad, but if it happens in public with strangers (even if they are as sweet as pie) you are much more sensitive? Much more embarrassed?

As I sit here and type this I realize that it is not the end of the world. It is not even that bad. Kids will be kids- right?! In fact we are planning on going back to that church where I can smile and make a joke about our girl wearing her diaper this time.
:)

The bigger issue is my faith. My trust that God is leading. I need to let go of my expectations, and misgivings and just plain old trust God....

The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He will make me as surefooted as a deer and bring me safely over the mountains. Habakkuk 3: 19