Sunday, November 20, 2011

One of those days

I lost her today.
It was probably for less than 30 mins... but it felt like hours.

We were at Evan's hockey practice. The whistle had just blown and we were getting ready to go down to the dressing room. The girls had been chasing each other up and down the arena bleachers and as I looked up I saw Selah running towards me... but Abby wasn't behind her.
When I asked where her sister was she just shrugged her shoulders.

I didn't panic, as many times she will wander off and I'll find her happily playing nearby.
I circled and checked down the long hallway. I called into every dressing room and checked all the possible hiding spots... but the longer I looked, the faster my heart beat.

Once I had done a quick search through the arena without finding her my mind went into full blown panic mode. See, the arena is in a large rec center which is attached to the YMCA (complete with a swimming pool, various gyms and classrooms) as well as library and a high school. She could have gone anywhere.... or she could have been taken with so many quick exits nearby....

My heart beat wild and I could barely breath. I told another sweet mom who quickly joined in on the search. As I went down the hallway towards the library with Ellie on my hip and Selah jogging to keep up my mind raced to all the horrible possibilities of what could have happened (the recent episode of a child abduction on the TV show Criminal Minds flashing though my mind wasn't helping- side note: why do I torture myself by watching episodes like that?!?!)

How far could she have gotten?

What if I couldn't find her?

Just when I was about to report her missing....there she was...
Happily exploring by the swimming pool.
When she saw me her face lit up and she skipped her way to me telling me that she had found the best hiding spot and that Selah didn't find her.
Apparently they were playing hide and seek.
She had no idea what I had just gone through.

I hugged her tight and then I yelled. A little.
I can still see her happy smiling face full of pride quickly change to eyes wide open in surprise as I explained what could have happened.
It was like she was hearing it for the first time.
Even though we talk about it almost every time we go out...

She had no idea what she had done.
She had found a good hiding spot.
And given her mama a small heart attack.

But all is well. She is tucked safe in her bed right now.

She is so full of life this child of mine.
So confident.
Self assured.
Wild and a little crazy.
I pray that she will use this confidence. This joy for life to bring glory to His name.
And I pray that I allow her to.
That I don't stifle her sweet spirit...

Because some days my friends, I fear that I do.
Some days I could just pull my hair out.
I pray that she doesn't lose this way about her, but rather that as her mama I can help guide her to the One who will show her how to fly with it.

And also, I think it may be time to pull out this again.... :O)


  1. Awwww Sara, I know that fear well. There is nothing in the world like the fear a mother experiences at the possibility of their child going missing. Reading this I get a really good sense that she is a free spirit and that she so has God's hand on her. She is one that if she ever got into trouble we would probably hear about giant angels being seen protecting her. God has a special plan for her life. I really feel that. While having a free-spirited wee one comes with special challenges they also have a mission on their lives that those of us who have our feet planted firmly on the ground cannot fully comprehend. I am so glad that it all worked out ok.

  2. Oh Sara, I got all teary eyed when I read this! I'm so happy it all worked out, but I can imagine your fear. Praise God for Him and His angels!

  3. oh, my friend - I can't imagine what you felt and went through during those moments. I'm so glad that she is okay. As I read it, I was again reminded of the power of God -- and what a blessing to have Him on our side.

  4. Oh Sar, BIG HUGS! As I was reading my heart was pounding for you! These moments keep us completely reliant upon the Lord, hey?

    This happened to me on Sunday at church with G. I just about broke down. He's been far too confident about what he can do (getting out of the car alone in the parking lot - thankfully I was nearby monitoring his time out); and he too loves to explore! (the first place I checked was the parking lot & surrounding area) I echo your heart in not wanting to limit & fearing I'm quelshing his spirit; and yet I need to keep him safe. And teach him.

    I read a great post today about remembering to teach what to do when we are correcting; it struck a cord in me. You are a great mamma & I am so happy she is & was safe! Parenting is not for the faint of heart hey? Loved seeing your 3 oldest yesterday! And G enjoyed A in their class!

  5. A parents worst nightmare. I could feel my own blood pressure rise just reading this post. I'm so glad she is safe and sound!

  6. Knowing that complex pretty well, I can totally imagine how panicked you were by the time you found her. She got far in a short amount of time!

    We have had this happen on just one occasion, but once feels like more than enough. It's terrifying. No way around it.

    I'm so glad you found her safe and sound


  7. That is the WORST feeling. There was a misunderstanding about a month ago, and I though Jason had been taken. It was so awful!

    I love that you want to encourage her sweet spirit and confidence for God's glory. I think one of our most important jobs as mom's is to build little borders for our littles to be themselves in and then know when to expand the borders.

    Your family is soooo cute. And I love seeing you in blogland again! :)

  8. hi. your here. i've missed you (although who am i to talk, i've hardly been here either).

    i have lost a few years from my life due to mini heart-attacks as a result of missing children. they are out of my sight for 3 minutes and i FREAK OUT!
    how many times they have said "mommy, i'm right here" {can you tell i have abandonment issues?} while i have been in near tears i cannot tell you.

    oh, and i too have prayed that i would step out of the way {or be shoved out of the way} and let God shape them and mold them for his glory. NOT ME! prayed long, hard, and a lot for this.

    i love you friend. so so so glad to see you, but i also applaud you for making mommyhood and these fleeting days with baby priority.

  9. oh i have had those moments. i start to panic. i feel like i am going to pass out. ugh!!!

    oh miss abby i am glad it was all ok.

    i am a sucker for criminal minds... one of my favorite shows but it does send your mind into overdrive. ugh! we were watching it last night and lance looked over at me and said why do we {meaning me} watch this stuff?? i don't know but i get sucked it. its my favorite to watch when i workout because it holds my attention!

    welcome back! love you friend!!


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