Grace

I'm embarrassed to write this, but in the past I have been guilty of letting Easter be about bunnies, eggs, chocolate, family and celebrating together....and oh ya, it's also about Jesus (it pains me to admit, but He definitely took a backseat to the rest of the list.)

This year though, my heart is raw with anticipation. I'm not sure if I can even properly explain it. I am just so overwhelmed at the thought of what Jesus did for us.

I can barely see through my tears at the computer screen as I type this.

He sacrificed Himself with unimaginable pain and suffering just to make a way so that we could be near Him.
That is love. That is grace. That is beautiful.

He choose death, so that we might live.

Now stop and let that sink in. Even if you already know it to be true. Truly let it sink in. He was thinking of YOU on that cross. He knew that one day you would run into His forgiving arms and receive that love, that grace, that beauty.
He did it all for you.
Wow.

He was betrayed,
beaten,
rejected,
judged,
mocked,
murdered.

For you. For me.

It shames me to think how often I take His gift for granted. How often I am too absorbed in all my "self-stuff" to take notice of His grace. His perfect grace. The grace that surround me. The gift that I so often return unopened with all my self-loathing.
All my self-pity.
My self-serving.
Self-indulgence.
Self-absorption
Self-protection.

Self, self, self. Blech!

Oh, how it pains me to realize how often I reject grace. The grace that I daily (and so desperately) need.
But all too often I am too selfish to even take notice.

Selfishness is a constant battle for me, and I suspect it is for most people. Maybe that's why Jesus tells us "...you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily, and follow me."
Luke 9: 23

Oh! That selfish ambition could literally swallow me whole some days. It's when I think I can do it better on my own. When my pride is so ginormous that I figure my way is better than God's. When all I can see are my own feelings. My own desires. It's when I'm suffocating with worry and fear. When I complain and gossip. When I'm angry and ugly in that anger.

Doesn't get much more self absorbed than that. And I am guilty. Guilty of not receiving grace. Of not allowing Him to touch every part of my heart. Guilty of not realizing that He is enough.
He is more than enough for me!

I am so very far from where I want to be. I want to be able to run to God with every step, rather than insisting on charting my own path and only calling on his name when I need something.
I don't need something... I NEED HIM.

I am longing for new intimacy with him.... and I am truly finding it.
He is overwhelming me. He is challenging and stretching me.

And so, on this Good Friday I am choosing to set all my "self stuff" down and just receive.
Receive His free gift. His freedom. His grace.

He did it all for me.
He did it all for you.

The rejection.
The humiliation.
The pain.
The suffering.
The loneliness.

He did it so that we could truly live, so that we could be near Him!
He knows every thought, every emotion, every circumstance. He has felt it all too.
And He has overcome!

Today I receive His gift....will you receive it too?

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

How deep the Father's love for us
by Philips Craig & Dean